Tuesday, 24 January 2017
Wednesday, 11 January 2017
BETTY BOOP MEETS LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
Originally, Betty Boop was made of pen and ink,
And those big dark eyes, they could certainly wink.
She was a caricature of the singer Helen Kane,
Who, in the 1920's had become a famous name.
But in the real life, she is now sweet Caroline,
Betty Boop reincarnated, making her so divine.
She hails from the town of Keith, does this Betty lass,
Working as a lifeguard, or ‘spinning’ classes on her ass.
One night out, she bumps into Little Red Riding Hood,
How this young woman got there, it couldn’t be understood.
“What on Earth?!” Cried Betty. “Fit ye daen here in Keith the day?”
Riding Hood replied, “What? I don’t understand what you say.”
“Are you telling me that you’re Riding Hood and you’re actually real?”
Betty says to Hoodie, “C’mon ma quine, fit’s the actual deal?”
Once translated, Hoodie got the gist of the North East lingo,
Made friends with Betty Boop and went for a game of bingo.
“I had to get away from Fairytale land.” Hoodie says to Betty,
“Running away from the wolf, I was getting scared and very sweaty.
I moved up here to Scotland, to get away from all the fuss,
I missed my train time and again, so got the Megabus.”
Wolfie had followed Riding Hood, thinking he was getting lucky,
But the stupid bugger kept to the left and ended up in Buckie.
So, now it seems that Riding Hood, is living safe and sound,
Playing bingo with Betty, who’s at the bar, getting in a round.
Now, alas poor Wolfie, he’s met his match, the Buckie fishing crew,
He’ll either end up as someone’s pet, or a window he’ll go through.
Betty Boop came back to her seat, with Champagne for Hoodie’s troubles.
Because there is nothing like gaining a friend and celebrating with bubbles.
The End
GOLDIE: THE PRINCESS WHO FOUND HER PRINCE
She knocked on the door, completely soaked to the skin,
Hoping that someone was there, who would kindly let her in.
The storm had caught her, she was normally so pristine,
But this was no ordinary princess, her name was Christine.
The door swung open, a hunched old lady did wait,
Here was another person, drenched and arriving so late.
This hag was a witch, who had just captured two
They were Hansel and Gretel, who were going to become stew.
A bed was made, in which Christine would sleep,
Because of a pea, it was uncomfortable, not deep.
The normally pristine, mentioned to the witchy hag,
Her lack of shut eye, the pea, but not wanting to nag.
‘Never mind that!’ the hag said to Chris,
‘I’ve a couple of brats, who’ve been taking the piss!
They’ve been eating my house and up to no good,
Now I'm going to cook them and then they will be food.’
‘So switch the oven on, my dear princess Christine,
And I shall put on a display, like you've never seen.’
‘You can't do that, you wicked witch. It's not right you see!’
Christine said, ‘I've seen enough, I’m reporting you to the RSPCC!’
Hansel and Gretel were shaking and scared,
We’re they going to die, before being prepared?
But Christine knew there was a way round this,
Using the pea as a weapon, she definitely must not miss.
She threw the pea as hard as one could,
Hitting the witch ‘tween the eyes, where she stood.
Falling to the floor, witchy is knocked out cold,
Princess frees the kids and tells them to be bold.
They heaved the witch towards the oven door,
Gave her a shove ‘n’ a push, then a little bit more.
Into the big oven, this evil hag was put,
With her arse stuck out, they had to give it a boot.
Hey ho, the haggardy hag, is now deader than dead,
So they stayed for a while, eating the house instead.
Having gained their strength, they moved further afield,
A man they would meet and Christine’s heart would yield.
Hansel and Gretel skipped happily away,
Finding a place where they could forever stay.
The princess Christine had found her happiness,
They found a churchman and them he would bless.
Goldie finally got her Prince, he was her loving man,
Blissfully happy with everything, doing what they can.
The doors are now closing on this little rhyme,
And love prevails for these two, ‘til the end of time.
The End.
LITTLE RED HAIRED RUNNING HOOD
Grandma woke her out of her cosy bed,
Shoulder length hair, which was beautiful and red.
Blue skies and sun, the day was all good,
This is Sharon Tonner, music maestro, 'Running Hood'.
She's going to meet her friends, the three little pigs.
They live close by, but in totally different digs.
Houses of straw, wood and brick as well,
Who stayed in what one, she really couldn’t tell.
Taking a shortcut through the fern enriched wood,
Thinking that there'd be plenty time, for loads of drink and food.
With her basket full of wine, beer and nibbles,
She also had tissues, to catch piggies' dribbles.
Skipping gaily in and out of the green trees,
Watching flutterbyes, little birds and buzzing bees.
Sharon couldn't wait to see her chums; all three.
Sharing stories, hearty laughs and plenty of 'tee-hee'.
Suddenly a noise behind her, the breaking of a twig,
Hiding in the bushes, it was black, hairy and big.
Starting to run, hence her wee nickname
Was Running Hood being stalked, for fair game?
Running faster, from a wolf she must flee
The houses in the distance she can barely see.
The basket is lost, along with all her stuff,
Not giving a toss, she can't run fast enough!
With the wolf chasing, he's hot on her trail,
Running Hood's legs a blur, her arms start to flail.
She gets to the clearing, the houses are nearby,
Getting to the straw one, 'help me please!' was her cry.
Piggy one, lets her in his wee, warm house,
Running Hood is shaking, like a grey field mouse.
The wolf now appears, in the open ground,
Roaring away, threatening to blow the house down.
Piggy and Sharon, are hugging with fear,
Knowing that the big bad wolf, is getting very near.
'I'll huff and I'll puff!' the wolf says with a huge grin,
'I'll blow your straw house down, if you don't let me in!'
With the first little piggy, defiant as hell,
Moves Sharon to 'safety' and then starts to yell.
'You big bad wolf, I won't let you in…'
'Not for the hair on my chinny, chin, chin!'
With a huff and a puff, the wolf has blown,
Straw everywhere and the friends have been thrown.
They run away to the next piggy's abode,
Not far away, a few hundred meters, up the road.
Wolfie blows the wooden house to bits,
There are now three, scared out of their wits.
After arriving at the third place of stay,
The wolf thinks nothing will get in his way.
Built with bricks and mortar, the house won't fall,
The big bad one must make the call.
He huffed and puffed and then with a frown,
Got on the roof, so the chimney he could climb down.
Thinking he's got them, trapped at the back,
The front door opens and there stands Jack.
'Come with me, if you all want to live!'
'We can climb my beanstalk, a hand I will give.'
'For this magic bean, I exchanged my cow,'
'This beanstalk appeared so quickly, I don't know how.'
'We can scramble to safety and must not stop,
Find out what's up there, at the very top.'
Having escaped the wolf, they will now see,
What's at the top of this beanstalk 'tree'.
Peering through the stalk's overgrown leaves.
They all see something, that no-one believes.
A gigantic castle at the top of this enormous plant,
Stealthily sneaking towards it, getting caught, they can't.
They get inside, but can't believe their own eyes,
There's lots of gold and riches, to their surprise.
There's a 'droning' noise coming from close by,
It's a great giant snoring, on his back he does lie.
He grunts and scratches, then he turns round,
The five friends scatter, hiding on the ground.
The not so Jolly Green Giant opens his eyes,
Sniffs the air and slaps his massive thighs.
'Fee fi fo fum, I smell the bloods of bacon and hu-man!'
'I must find these critters, before they can run!'
Gripped with fear, but they must be brave,
If their little lives, they are going to save.
They must befriend the giant, if they want to survive.
Get him to kill the big bad wolf, they had to connive.
After a long chase and the giant is so out of breath,
'We really need your help', said Jack. 'Not your wealth'
Tired and confused, the giant eats some chicken,
Tossing the bones and his fingers he's lickin'.
'NOW!' He roars, in his 'Brian Blessed' voice,
With a toothy grin, he says, 'THERE IS NO CHOICE!'
'First we eat, then we will find the big bad beast…
Take him down and again, later we will feast!'
So, down the beanstalk all of them climb,
To find this wolf and end this epic rhyme.
They hunt the woods and find nothing there,
Has he left, or is he hiding in his lair?
Scouring some more through the evergreens,
Giant sniffs the air, all is not what it seems.
There's an odour of wolf in the dank and musky air,
They are close to the beast, now's the time to snare.
Cow'rin with fear, the wolf starts to sniffle and cry,
'Please don't kill me, I'm not ready to die…'
The friends look at each other, now what do they do,
Will they forgive the snivelling coward, who won't even say 'BOO!'?
What if together, they all became as one?
Friends forever and having lots of fun.
Deciding to give the wolf a chance,
They all hug tightly and have a dance.
Now, the Big Bad Wolf doesn't exist anymore,
Nobody's afraid of him, it's opened a new door,
Looking for the basket, so they can all get pissed,
No more enemies and it will not be missed.
Grandma woke her out of her cosy bed,
Shoulder length hair, which was beautiful and red.
Blue skies and sun, the day was all good,
This is Sharon Tonner, music maestro, 'Running Hood'.
She's going to meet her friends, the three little pigs.
They live close by, but in totally different digs.
Houses of straw, wood and brick as well,
Who stayed in what one, she really couldn’t tell.
Taking a shortcut through the fern enriched wood,
Thinking that there'd be plenty time, for loads of drink and food.
With her basket full of wine, beer and nibbles,
She also had tissues, to catch piggies' dribbles.
Skipping gaily in and out of the green trees,
Watching flutterbyes, little birds and buzzing bees.
Sharon couldn't wait to see her chums; all three.
Sharing stories, hearty laughs and plenty of 'tee-hee'.
Suddenly a noise behind her, the breaking of a twig,
Hiding in the bushes, it was black, hairy and big.
Starting to run, hence her wee nickname
Was Running Hood being stalked, for fair game?
Running faster, from a wolf she must flee
The houses in the distance she can barely see.
The basket is lost, along with all her stuff,
Not giving a toss, she can't run fast enough!
With the wolf chasing, he's hot on her trail,
Running Hood's legs a blur, her arms start to flail.
She gets to the clearing, the houses are nearby,
Getting to the straw one, 'help me please!' was her cry.
Piggy one, lets her in his wee, warm house,
Running Hood is shaking, like a grey field mouse.
The wolf now appears, in the open ground,
Roaring away, threatening to blow the house down.
Piggy and Sharon, are hugging with fear,
Knowing that the big bad wolf, is getting very near.
'I'll huff and I'll puff!' the wolf says with a huge grin,
'I'll blow your straw house down, if you don't let me in!'
With the first little piggy, defiant as hell,
Moves Sharon to 'safety' and then starts to yell.
'You big bad wolf, I won't let you in…'
'Not for the hair on my chinny, chin, chin!'
With a huff and a puff, the wolf has blown,
Straw everywhere and the friends have been thrown.
They run away to the next piggy's abode,
Not far away, a few hundred meters, up the road.
Wolfie blows the wooden house to bits,
There are now three, scared out of their wits.
After arriving at the third place of stay,
The wolf thinks nothing will get in his way.
Built with bricks and mortar, the house won't fall,
The big bad one must make the call.
He huffed and puffed and then with a frown,
Got on the roof, so the chimney he could climb down.
Thinking he's got them, trapped at the back,
The front door opens and there stands Jack.
'Come with me, if you all want to live!'
'We can climb my beanstalk, a hand I will give.'
'For this magic bean, I exchanged my cow,'
'This beanstalk appeared so quickly, I don't know how.'
'We can scramble to safety and must not stop,
Find out what's up there, at the very top.'
Having escaped the wolf, they will now see,
What's at the top of this beanstalk 'tree'.
Peering through the stalk's overgrown leaves.
They all see something, that no-one believes.
A gigantic castle at the top of this enormous plant,
Stealthily sneaking towards it, getting caught, they can't.
They get inside, but can't believe their own eyes,
There's lots of gold and riches, to their surprise.
There's a 'droning' noise coming from close by,
It's a great giant snoring, on his back he does lie.
He grunts and scratches, then he turns round,
The five friends scatter, hiding on the ground.
The not so Jolly Green Giant opens his eyes,
Sniffs the air and slaps his massive thighs.
'Fee fi fo fum, I smell the bloods of bacon and hu-man!'
'I must find these critters, before they can run!'
Gripped with fear, but they must be brave,
If their little lives, they are going to save.
They must befriend the giant, if they want to survive.
Get him to kill the big bad wolf, they had to connive.
After a long chase and the giant is so out of breath,
'We really need your help', said Jack. 'Not your wealth'
Tired and confused, the giant eats some chicken,
Tossing the bones and his fingers he's lickin'.
'NOW!' He roars, in his 'Brian Blessed' voice,
With a toothy grin, he says, 'THERE IS NO CHOICE!'
'First we eat, then we will find the big bad beast…
Take him down and again, later we will feast!'
So, down the beanstalk all of them climb,
To find this wolf and end this epic rhyme.
They hunt the woods and find nothing there,
Has he left, or is he hiding in his lair?
Scouring some more through the evergreens,
Giant sniffs the air, all is not what it seems.
There's an odour of wolf in the dank and musky air,
They are close to the beast, now's the time to snare.
Cow'rin with fear, the wolf starts to sniffle and cry,
'Please don't kill me, I'm not ready to die…'
The friends look at each other, now what do they do,
Will they forgive the snivelling coward, who won't even say 'BOO!'?
What if together, they all became as one?
Friends forever and having lots of fun.
Deciding to give the wolf a chance,
They all hug tightly and have a dance.
Now, the Big Bad Wolf doesn't exist anymore,
Nobody's afraid of him, it's opened a new door,
Looking for the basket, so they can all get pissed,
No more enemies and it will not be missed.
The End.
Shoulder length hair, which was beautiful and red.
Blue skies and sun, the day was all good,
This is Sharon Tonner, music maestro, 'Running Hood'.
She's going to meet her friends, the three little pigs.
They live close by, but in totally different digs.
Houses of straw, wood and brick as well,
Who stayed in what one, she really couldn’t tell.
Taking a shortcut through the fern enriched wood,
Thinking that there'd be plenty time, for loads of drink and food.
With her basket full of wine, beer and nibbles,
She also had tissues, to catch piggies' dribbles.
Skipping gaily in and out of the green trees,
Watching flutterbyes, little birds and buzzing bees.
Sharon couldn't wait to see her chums; all three.
Sharing stories, hearty laughs and plenty of 'tee-hee'.
Suddenly a noise behind her, the breaking of a twig,
Hiding in the bushes, it was black, hairy and big.
Starting to run, hence her wee nickname
Was Running Hood being stalked, for fair game?
Running faster, from a wolf she must flee
The houses in the distance she can barely see.
The basket is lost, along with all her stuff,
Not giving a toss, she can't run fast enough!
With the wolf chasing, he's hot on her trail,
Running Hood's legs a blur, her arms start to flail.
She gets to the clearing, the houses are nearby,
Getting to the straw one, 'help me please!' was her cry.
Piggy one, lets her in his wee, warm house,
Running Hood is shaking, like a grey field mouse.
The wolf now appears, in the open ground,
Roaring away, threatening to blow the house down.
Piggy and Sharon, are hugging with fear,
Knowing that the big bad wolf, is getting very near.
'I'll huff and I'll puff!' the wolf says with a huge grin,
'I'll blow your straw house down, if you don't let me in!'
With the first little piggy, defiant as hell,
Moves Sharon to 'safety' and then starts to yell.
'You big bad wolf, I won't let you in…'
'Not for the hair on my chinny, chin, chin!'
With a huff and a puff, the wolf has blown,
Straw everywhere and the friends have been thrown.
They run away to the next piggy's abode,
Not far away, a few hundred meters, up the road.
Wolfie blows the wooden house to bits,
There are now three, scared out of their wits.
After arriving at the third place of stay,
The wolf thinks nothing will get in his way.
Built with bricks and mortar, the house won't fall,
The big bad one must make the call.
He huffed and puffed and then with a frown,
Got on the roof, so the chimney he could climb down.
Thinking he's got them, trapped at the back,
The front door opens and there stands Jack.
'Come with me, if you all want to live!'
'We can climb my beanstalk, a hand I will give.'
'For this magic bean, I exchanged my cow,'
'This beanstalk appeared so quickly, I don't know how.'
'We can scramble to safety and must not stop,
Find out what's up there, at the very top.'
Having escaped the wolf, they will now see,
What's at the top of this beanstalk 'tree'.
Peering through the stalk's overgrown leaves.
They all see something, that no-one believes.
A gigantic castle at the top of this enormous plant,
Stealthily sneaking towards it, getting caught, they can't.
They get inside, but can't believe their own eyes,
There's lots of gold and riches, to their surprise.
There's a 'droning' noise coming from close by,
It's a great giant snoring, on his back he does lie.
He grunts and scratches, then he turns round,
The five friends scatter, hiding on the ground.
The not so Jolly Green Giant opens his eyes,
Sniffs the air and slaps his massive thighs.
'Fee fi fo fum, I smell the bloods of bacon and hu-man!'
'I must find these critters, before they can run!'
Gripped with fear, but they must be brave,
If their little lives, they are going to save.
They must befriend the giant, if they want to survive.
Get him to kill the big bad wolf, they had to connive.
After a long chase and the giant is so out of breath,
'We really need your help', said Jack. 'Not your wealth'
Tired and confused, the giant eats some chicken,
Tossing the bones and his fingers he's lickin'.
'NOW!' He roars, in his 'Brian Blessed' voice,
With a toothy grin, he says, 'THERE IS NO CHOICE!'
'First we eat, then we will find the big bad beast…
Take him down and again, later we will feast!'
So, down the beanstalk all of them climb,
To find this wolf and end this epic rhyme.
They hunt the woods and find nothing there,
Has he left, or is he hiding in his lair?
Scouring some more through the evergreens,
Giant sniffs the air, all is not what it seems.
There's an odour of wolf in the dank and musky air,
They are close to the beast, now's the time to snare.
Cow'rin with fear, the wolf starts to sniffle and cry,
'Please don't kill me, I'm not ready to die…'
The friends look at each other, now what do they do,
Will they forgive the snivelling coward, who won't even say 'BOO!'?
What if together, they all became as one?
Friends forever and having lots of fun.
Deciding to give the wolf a chance,
They all hug tightly and have a dance.
Now, the Big Bad Wolf doesn't exist anymore,
Nobody's afraid of him, it's opened a new door,
Looking for the basket, so they can all get pissed,
No more enemies and it will not be missed.
Grandma woke her out of her cosy bed,
Shoulder length hair, which was beautiful and red.
Blue skies and sun, the day was all good,
This is Sharon Tonner, music maestro, 'Running Hood'.
She's going to meet her friends, the three little pigs.
They live close by, but in totally different digs.
Houses of straw, wood and brick as well,
Who stayed in what one, she really couldn’t tell.
Taking a shortcut through the fern enriched wood,
Thinking that there'd be plenty time, for loads of drink and food.
With her basket full of wine, beer and nibbles,
She also had tissues, to catch piggies' dribbles.
Skipping gaily in and out of the green trees,
Watching flutterbyes, little birds and buzzing bees.
Sharon couldn't wait to see her chums; all three.
Sharing stories, hearty laughs and plenty of 'tee-hee'.
Suddenly a noise behind her, the breaking of a twig,
Hiding in the bushes, it was black, hairy and big.
Starting to run, hence her wee nickname
Was Running Hood being stalked, for fair game?
Running faster, from a wolf she must flee
The houses in the distance she can barely see.
The basket is lost, along with all her stuff,
Not giving a toss, she can't run fast enough!
With the wolf chasing, he's hot on her trail,
Running Hood's legs a blur, her arms start to flail.
She gets to the clearing, the houses are nearby,
Getting to the straw one, 'help me please!' was her cry.
Piggy one, lets her in his wee, warm house,
Running Hood is shaking, like a grey field mouse.
The wolf now appears, in the open ground,
Roaring away, threatening to blow the house down.
Piggy and Sharon, are hugging with fear,
Knowing that the big bad wolf, is getting very near.
'I'll huff and I'll puff!' the wolf says with a huge grin,
'I'll blow your straw house down, if you don't let me in!'
With the first little piggy, defiant as hell,
Moves Sharon to 'safety' and then starts to yell.
'You big bad wolf, I won't let you in…'
'Not for the hair on my chinny, chin, chin!'
With a huff and a puff, the wolf has blown,
Straw everywhere and the friends have been thrown.
They run away to the next piggy's abode,
Not far away, a few hundred meters, up the road.
Wolfie blows the wooden house to bits,
There are now three, scared out of their wits.
After arriving at the third place of stay,
The wolf thinks nothing will get in his way.
Built with bricks and mortar, the house won't fall,
The big bad one must make the call.
He huffed and puffed and then with a frown,
Got on the roof, so the chimney he could climb down.
Thinking he's got them, trapped at the back,
The front door opens and there stands Jack.
'Come with me, if you all want to live!'
'We can climb my beanstalk, a hand I will give.'
'For this magic bean, I exchanged my cow,'
'This beanstalk appeared so quickly, I don't know how.'
'We can scramble to safety and must not stop,
Find out what's up there, at the very top.'
Having escaped the wolf, they will now see,
What's at the top of this beanstalk 'tree'.
Peering through the stalk's overgrown leaves.
They all see something, that no-one believes.
A gigantic castle at the top of this enormous plant,
Stealthily sneaking towards it, getting caught, they can't.
They get inside, but can't believe their own eyes,
There's lots of gold and riches, to their surprise.
There's a 'droning' noise coming from close by,
It's a great giant snoring, on his back he does lie.
He grunts and scratches, then he turns round,
The five friends scatter, hiding on the ground.
The not so Jolly Green Giant opens his eyes,
Sniffs the air and slaps his massive thighs.
'Fee fi fo fum, I smell the bloods of bacon and hu-man!'
'I must find these critters, before they can run!'
Gripped with fear, but they must be brave,
If their little lives, they are going to save.
They must befriend the giant, if they want to survive.
Get him to kill the big bad wolf, they had to connive.
After a long chase and the giant is so out of breath,
'We really need your help', said Jack. 'Not your wealth'
Tired and confused, the giant eats some chicken,
Tossing the bones and his fingers he's lickin'.
'NOW!' He roars, in his 'Brian Blessed' voice,
With a toothy grin, he says, 'THERE IS NO CHOICE!'
'First we eat, then we will find the big bad beast…
Take him down and again, later we will feast!'
So, down the beanstalk all of them climb,
To find this wolf and end this epic rhyme.
They hunt the woods and find nothing there,
Has he left, or is he hiding in his lair?
Scouring some more through the evergreens,
Giant sniffs the air, all is not what it seems.
There's an odour of wolf in the dank and musky air,
They are close to the beast, now's the time to snare.
Cow'rin with fear, the wolf starts to sniffle and cry,
'Please don't kill me, I'm not ready to die…'
The friends look at each other, now what do they do,
Will they forgive the snivelling coward, who won't even say 'BOO!'?
What if together, they all became as one?
Friends forever and having lots of fun.
Deciding to give the wolf a chance,
They all hug tightly and have a dance.
Now, the Big Bad Wolf doesn't exist anymore,
Nobody's afraid of him, it's opened a new door,
Looking for the basket, so they can all get pissed,
No more enemies and it will not be missed.
The End.
THE PRINCESS AND THE SWAN
As the storm raged, there were several knocks on the door,
She stood the completely drenched, from her head down to the floor.
This stunning princess was looking for somewhere to stay
Her name is Fiona; well, in this story anyway.
A handsome man answered and to his surprise
Saw this beautiful woman, with the most amazing eyes.
She dried herself off, he sat her next to the roaring fire
This house was a mansion, it certainly wasn’t dire.
This young man placed a pea under the bed of her mattresses
Hoping to find out if Fiona, was truly a princess.
If she was uncomfortable, all throughout the night
It’s true she will be royalty, come the morning light.
Meanwhile, in the garden, under the burdock leaves,
Mother duck is hatching eggs and with a sigh she heaves.
‘They have all hatched, apart from this large egg’
‘Please be born soon’ was all she could beg.
Out he came, bigger, greyer and uglier than the rest
Was he a duck or a turkey, the other ducklings would jest.
Hurting so much, he didn’t know what to do
Joining other birds in different places, away he flew.
Back to the princess, she woke the next morn
Looking all black and blue, forever so forlorn
‘My sleep was horrible.’ Princess Fiona had said.
I cannot go another night in that uncomfy bed!’
And now they knew this princess was real
Out came the loving prince, to finally seal the deal.
Now together they were to become man and wife
Enjoying their happiness and forever their life.
Just like Fiona, the duck did very well
As he was growing, he started to look swell
He waddled to the pond right across the lawn
His reflection told him, he was a majestic swan.
So princess Fiona has found her loving match
As the graceful swan glides, and insects he’ll catch.
This poem now ends, I shall write no more
I’m hoping for the princess, it’s opened another door.
THE END
Chris Gair
23 December 2016
As the storm raged, there were several knocks on the door,
She stood the completely drenched, from her head down to the floor.
This stunning princess was looking for somewhere to stay
Her name is Fiona; well, in this story anyway.
A handsome man answered and to his surprise
Saw this beautiful woman, with the most amazing eyes.
She dried herself off, he sat her next to the roaring fire
This house was a mansion, it certainly wasn’t dire.
This young man placed a pea under the bed of her mattresses
Hoping to find out if Fiona, was truly a princess.
If she was uncomfortable, all throughout the night
It’s true she will be royalty, come the morning light.
Meanwhile, in the garden, under the burdock leaves,
Mother duck is hatching eggs and with a sigh she heaves.
‘They have all hatched, apart from this large egg’
‘Please be born soon’ was all she could beg.
Out he came, bigger, greyer and uglier than the rest
Was he a duck or a turkey, the other ducklings would jest.
Hurting so much, he didn’t know what to do
Joining other birds in different places, away he flew.
Back to the princess, she woke the next morn
Looking all black and blue, forever so forlorn
‘My sleep was horrible.’ Princess Fiona had said.
I cannot go another night in that uncomfy bed!’
And now they knew this princess was real
Out came the loving prince, to finally seal the deal.
Now together they were to become man and wife
Enjoying their happiness and forever their life.
Just like Fiona, the duck did very well
As he was growing, he started to look swell
He waddled to the pond right across the lawn
His reflection told him, he was a majestic swan.
So princess Fiona has found her loving match
As the graceful swan glides, and insects he’ll catch.
This poem now ends, I shall write no more
I’m hoping for the princess, it’s opened another door.
THE END
Chris Gair
23 December 2016
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